Mischief-Arizona Olde English Bulldogges

If you own a dog or are thinking about getting one, a sense of humor is a definite requirement!  I think we all need a laugh every now an then regardless so here's a few of my favorite dog/dogge funnies for your viewing pleasure.....

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Click  to see fun dog Pix and Cartoons!

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How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN DOING ANIMAL RESCUE TOO LONG WHEN.... You have a mental list of people you'd like to spay, neuter or euthanize. You stopped at a house with a "Free Puppies" sign in the yard to have an Educational "Chat," and your kids had to post your bail. Running out of paper towels is a household crisis. You not only KNOW all the characteristics of a good "stool," you discuss them at dinner. Your checks have messages on them like "Subtract Two Testicles For Every Four Feet." You have a bumper sticker that reads "My German Shepherd Is Smarter Than Your Graduate Student." You secretly wonder about such things as how animals can manage without wiping. You pray they will someday manufacture Teflon furniture. You have phone calls forwarded to PetsMart. You absentmindedly pat people on the head or scratch them behind their ears. Given the choice of having your teeth cleaned or their teeth cleaned, they get their teeth cleaned. You not only allow pets on the couch, guests have to sit on the floor because the dog has "territorial issues." Your spouse missed the final game of the World Series because the cat wanted to watch his favorite video, "Birds of North America." Anytime the animal appears lethargic, you go on-line and investigate vetmed websites, pose questions to your address book and on e-lists, and by the time  you digest all the information and field the correspondence, the animal has  torn out the window screens,  and left something  disgusting in your favorite pair of shoes. Your chatroom handle is "Queen of Spayeds." You and your vet are on a first name basis and he genuflects when you enter  the waiting room. His daughter at Harvard refers to you as "Auntie." You needed a prescription to recover from "Old Yeller." You've forwarded more warnings about the dangers of chocolate, onions and mistletoe than the National Center for Disease Control has issued about anthrax  and smallpox. You wear white year 'round, not because you are flaunting a fashion law or  belong to a religious sect but because it is BLEACHABLE. The world would never guess from your "critterspeak" posts to e-lists  that in reality you are chairman of the IBM corporation. By the time you investigate different flea control products, their advantages and potential risks,natural versus chemical methods, and study the life  cycle of the flea, any fleas have died of old age. You tell your children to "heel!" in a grocery store. For relaxation, you went mall hopping with your girlfriends. Your eyes glazed over when you saw a sign in front of a pet shop, "20% Off All Puppies & Kittens," and you slapped three security guards before they got you safely contained in the manager's office. People are still talking about your spay-neuter holiday greeting from last year, "Deck the Halls with Balls of Collies. Anonymous A little girl asked her mom, "Mom, may I take the dog for a walk around the block?" Mom says, "No, because the dog is in heat." "What does that mean?"  asked the child. "Go ask your father. I think he is in the garage."  The little girl goes to the garage and says. "Dad, may I take Belle for a walk around the block? I asked Mom, but she said the dog was in heat, and to come talk to you." Dad says, " Bring Belle over here." He took a rag, soaked it with gasoline, and scrubbed the dog's backside with it and said, "Okay, you can go now, but keep Belle on the leash and only go one time around the block." The little girl left, and returned a few minutes later with NO DOG on the leash. Dad asks, "Where is Belle?"  The little girl said, "She ran out of gas about halfway down the block, so another dog's pushing her home."

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Dog Philosophy 

• The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail instead of his tongue.   -Anonymous
• Don't accept your dog's admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.  -Ann Landers
• If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.  -Will Rogers
• There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.  -Ben Williams
• A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.  -Josh Billings
• The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.  -Andy Rooney
• We give dogs time we can spare, space we can spare and love w can spare. And in return, dogs give us their all. It's the best deal man has ever made.  -M. Acklan
• Dogs love their friends and bite their enemies, quite unlike people, who are incapable of pure love and always have to mix love and hate.  - Sigmund Freud
• I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.  -Rita Rudner
• A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.  -Robert Benchley
• Anybody who doesn't know what soap tastes like never washed a dog.  -Franklin P. Jones
• If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.  -James Thurber
• If your dog is fat, you aren't getting enough exercise.   -Unknown
• My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That's almost $21.00 in dog money.  -Joe Weinstein
• Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -- chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest hunters on earth!  -Anne Tyler
• Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.  -Robert A. Heinlein
• If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.  -Mark Twain
• You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, 'Wow, you're right! I never would've thought of that!'  - Dave Barry
• Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.  -Roger Caras
• If you think dogs can't count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.   -Phil Pastoret
• My goal in life is to be as good of a person my dog already thinks I am.

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This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....

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Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta
Humane Society about an 8-week-old black Labrador retriever.

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The first thing you discover when you bring a dog onto your bed is the striking difference in weight between an alert, awake dog and a dog at rest.

Rule Number One: The deeper the sleep the heavier the dog. Most people who sleep with dogs develop spinal deformities rather than rent the heavy equipment necessary to move their snoring canines to a more appropriate part of the bed. Cunning canines steal precious space in tiny increments until they have achieved the center position on the bed -- with all covers carefully tucked under them for safekeeping. The stretch and roll method is very effective in gaining territory. Less subtle tactics are sometimes preferred. A jealous dog can worm his way between a sleeping couple and, with the proper spring action from all four legs, shove a sleeping human to the floor.

Rule Number Two: Dogs possess superhuman strength while on a bed. As you cling to the edge of the bed, wishing you had covers, your sweet pup begins to snore at a volume you would not have thought possible. Once that quiets down, the dog dreams begin. Yipping, growling, running, kicking. Your bed becomes a battlefield and playground of canine fantasy. It starts out with a bit of "sleep running," lots of eye movement and then, suddenly, a shrieking howl blasted through the night like a banshee wail. The horror of this wake-up call haunts you for years. It's particularly devastating when your pup insists on sleeping curled around your head like a demented Daniel Boon cap.

Rule Number Three: The deeper the sleep, the louder the dog. The night creeps on and you fall asleep in the 3 inches of bed not claimed by a dog. The dog dreams quiet slightly and the heap of dog flesh sleeps --breathing heavily and passing wind. Then, too soon, it's dawn and the heap stirs. Each dog has a distinctive and unpleasant method of waking the pack. One may position itself centimeters from a face and stare until you wake. The clever dog obtains excellent results by simply sneezing on your face, or they could romp all over your sleeping bodies -- or the ever-loving insertion of a tongue in an unsuspecting ear.

Rule Number Four: When the dog wakes--you wake. So, why do we put up with this? There's no sane reason. Perhaps it's just that we're a pack and a pack heaps together at night--safe, contented, heavy and loud.

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I don't take credit for any of these and if there's one that doesn't "belong" here, just let me know and I'll take it off